Admit. Accept. Fluorish.

                          
Social media is dangerous.

Well, it has proven to be dangerous at least in my hands. Here is my little disclaimer: I have had a Facebook account since the beginning. My social media family grew to include Twitter (a few times) LinkedIn, Tumblr, Blogger and a personal web site. I thoroughly embraced it and while the sites themselves never changed what I was “sharing” about myself did.

One of my friends made a very good point; people can be whoever they want to be on the web. It is easy to create an alter ego or persona. I have found myself saying that, “I am never going to meet these people in person, so it doesn’t matter who I really am or portray myself to be." Wrong! The alter ego I created caused me to get a lot of negative attention. I relished in it. I laughed about it. I never took it seriously until one day I realized that my followers were beginning to expect this behavior from me and it was uncharacteristic of whom I really was as a person, as a woman, as a mom and as a professional.

Then, I became a published author in September 2011 and all things changed. Instantly, I was put into a category that many writers desire. Where previously I made little changes to my behavior; a little change was not warranted in this situation. There needed to be a complete 360 degree makeover. I needed to re-invent myself. My journey was just beginning and my foundation needed to be lain stronger.

According to merriam-webster.com, re-inventing is defined as “to remake or redo completely.” The prefix “re” means to do again; consider these words: replay, repeat, and reorganize. I’m a huge internet researcher and here is what I found.

According to www.truesuccessteams.com, this is what it means to re-invent you. “To truly re-invent one’s self one would question everything they are doing an bring it back to their core values and make a course correction, either a “reinvention” by turning 90-degrees, or simply a refinement of one’s course. It isn’t really even so much a “re-invention” but an admission and acceptance and flourishing of our deepest passions. I know….it’s like a flower. It was always there, but the reinvention is the blossoming of who one really is, finally letting it come out.”

The words highlighted in bold are what struck a chord in me. Everything has a process; especially when it comes to life. The only things necessary are admitting, accepting and ultimately flourishing with our newfound selves. I am so proud that I was able to do this before it would have been too late.
Well, what about in your life? You know you have this problem or this issue, but have you admitted to yourself that you do? When you are re-inventing yourself, the only person that matters is YOU. Don’t allow anyone else to define who you are.

Oh, and don’t tell my friends about my initial statement – they would NEVER believe you!

Tamika

Basketball Wives

                        

Anyone who knows me can tell you that Basketball Wives is one of my favorite reality television shows. I have watched this show since the first season and throughout each season, I have watched the lives of these women evolve. Well, as much as the cameras have portrayed. Along the way there have been plenty of highs and lows, fights and make-ups, divorce, and strangely enough, plenty of "births." I am not speaking of birth in the context of delivering a newborn.

Evelyn (one of the show's main characters) is now a published author and the creator of a make-up line, Jennifer has launched Lucid, lip gloss line, Tami’s daughters are launching their music career and Shaunie to me is a woman on top. Not only by producing the show but managing her career and being a full-time mom. At one point, there was talk of Shaunie having a shoe line with Candies.

While the good can be shown, what often stays in our mind is all of the negative publicity. I, nor you, are in a position to judge their lives.  How could we effectively? We only see them for one hour each week throughout the duration of each season on the VH1 network. The one criticism I do have is all of the backbiting that happens between friends.  At the end of the day when your marriage is rocky, family relationships are crazy, children are misbehaving or worse, plus the addition of dealing with yourself - all you have are your girls.

I started thinking about girl friends and how important they are to our lives, especially, as women.

Best girl friends are your shoulder to lean on, your ride or die chicks. They promise to never tell your dirty little secrets, because they were probably right their with you. They are the person who understands you, your pain, your heart, your joys and sorrows. They know what looks good on you and what does not. They celebrate your successes even if nothing is going for them at the moment. They love you in spite of, carrying your worst secrets to their graves; yes, ladies and gentlemen, THIS is friendship.

What happens when things get sour in your friendship? What happens when your best girl doesn’t seem to communicate with you anymore, she extends her friendship circle or maybe she changes?

These are the times where you hold onto the reasons you became friends in the first place. Treasure those times, laughs and memories – because these are the things that will help you press during your ugliest of moments. I believe the rift between Jennifer and Evelyn lacked this element. There were moments when each tried to converse with the other, but their emotions were too high. They could not "hear" the other one. They were no longer able to be objective. Why; they were hurt and hurt people, hurt people.

No one likes to the object of someone’s hurt, especially when that hurt does not involve them. Nevertheless, this often happens in friendships and always with those closest to our hearts.

There is good news. At the end of Season Four during the Reunion Special, I was elated to see Jennifer and Evelyn make up. I shed tears along with these two ladies. I believe that the both of them were able to release a great sigh of relief

At the end of the day, our girlfriends are all we have. When the world seems to walk away – they remain.

It behooves us to cherish them while they are here with us, because one day they will not be.

Tamika